THE SUPERWOMAN SYNDROME WEIGHT

When Wanting It All Becomes the Poisoned Gift We Can’t Stop Unwrapping

We were raised to believe we could — and should — have it all.

The career.

The family.

The impact.

The perfectly color-coded calendar.

And maybe a side hustle to feel relevant.

The world said: “Be everything.”

But left out the fine print: “...with no real support, and a self-cleaning kitchen.”

The result?

A generation of brilliant, capable, overextended women.

Grateful, yes — but also running on empty.

Ambitious — but quietly breaking under the pressure of always doing more, always being more.

This is the Superwoman Syndrome — a term coined by Marjorie Hansen Shaevitz in the 80s to name the trap we still haven’t escaped:

The invisible rule that says we must excel at everything, with grace, with a smile, and without needing help.

It’s not ambition. It’s adaptation.

The Poisoned Gift We Don’t Know How to Return.

It’s not just society pushing. It’s something we’ve internalized — so deeply that we start mistaking exhaustion for normal.

We’re not just performing a role.We’ve made it part of who we think we are.

So when someone says:“Maybe you don’t have to do it all.”We say “you’re right” —…then secretly plan how to reorganize the chaos more efficiently.

Because here’s the real bind:

We don’t want to let go.

We don’t know who we’d be without the to-do list.

Letting go feels like losing our edge.

Rest feels suspicious.

Delegating feels like failing.

But that’s not truth.

It’s just programming — the kind that runs so deep we forget it’s there.

Psychologist Emily Nagoski reminds us: “burnout in women isn’t just about doing too much — it’s about the pressure to be constantly available, emotionally responsible, endlessly competent. Especially in roles society applauds but rarely supports” (Burnout, 2019).

Mind Fitness, Not Just MindfulnessLet’s get to the root.

Your brain — smart, loyal, efficient — is wired for protection, not fulfillment. MIt chooses familiar stress over unknown peace, because safety feels better than risk.

So if high performance, control, and hyper-responsibility have kept you afloat?Your brain will fight to keep them.

That’s not weakness.

That’s your nervous system doing its job.

But here’s the thing: We can retrain it.

According to Shirzad Chamine, mental fitness isn’t about becoming more positive — it’s about building muscle in the part of the brain that helps us respond from clarity, not survival.He calls it the Sage brain.

It’s where calm, curiosity, and courage live. And it’s trainable.

No, you don’t need a silent retreat or a 5am miracle morning.

Try this: 10 seconds of awareness, five times a day.

That’s how neuroplasticity works — small, repeated shifts.(Science backs this, not just self-help.)

Brave Space > Safe Space“Just be yourself” sounds good.

But for a lot of us, we don’t even know who that is anymore.

We’ve built personas — polished, professional, pleasing.

We’ve learned to adapt so well that authenticity became another task on the list.

What we need isn’t more advice.

It’s more space — to question, to pause, to not know.

Brave spaces don’t force clarity.They make room for contradiction, for truth that’s still forming.

Psychologist Kristin Neff calls this self-compassion.

Not indulgence.

Resiluence.

Maybe the point isn’t to hold it all.

Maybe it’s to ask — honestly — what’s mine to carry, and what can I finally set down?

What Now? You’re not too much.

You are just tired of pretending it doesn’t cost you something.

Let’s stop asking how to do more.

Let’s start asking: what if doing less let me come back to myself?

Here’s a thought to keep in your pocket:

You can be ambitious without being available 24/7.

You can want more and still rest.

You are not broken for needing support — you’re wise for seeking it.

The goal isn’t balance.

It’s breathing room.

Not perfection.

Presence.

And no, it’s not always easy.

But it’s possible.

Step by step.

Layer by layer.

Unlearning what was never really yours in the first place.

Hassna Le Foll