Will you play with me?

By Tracy Pink

How does that question make you feel?

For me, as a busy mum with a full-time job, it sends shivers down my spine. My to-do list immediately jumps to the front of my mind.

“I can’t, I have to…”

Is this you?

Our relationship with play can be surprisingly triggering. It can stir all sorts of sensations in the body — resistance, guilt, frustration, even discomfort. Many parents find play hard.

Why Playing Feels So Hard

Often, we were told as children that play was “babyish” or not valuable. So we grew up thinking it was something adults shouldn’t do — that adults are too busy or important for play.

But here’s what I’ve come to realise: Adult play is just as important as children’s play.

What Is Play, Really?

According to Brené Brown, play has three essential components:

1. It’s time spent without purpose.

2. It’s something you don’t want to end.

3. It leads to a loss of self-consciousness.

Think about it — what is play for you?

For me, it’s reading and getting lost in a novel. It’s long walks in the countryside. It’s creating with my sewing machine.

All of these things are play for me.

What Children Really Mean When They Ask to Play

When our children ask us to play, what they’re really asking for is connection.

They may not have the language to express what they need, but they know that playing will create the feeling their body is craving — closeness, attention, safety, joy.

But here’s the tricky part: play can feel uncomfortable for adults.

The demand to do what our child wants — to surrender control — can make our skin crawl.Hearing “No, you say this!” or “Don’t do that, do this!” can feel triggering and unnatural.

So Why Play If It Feels So Hard?

Because play is how children learn.

There is so much evidence showing that play literally develops the brain. It’s how children make sense of the world around them.

They play out scenarios that help them develop empathy. Even when playing alone, they create neural pathways that build understanding and compassion.

Doll Play and Empathy

“Doll play” — which can include any kind of human figure (Lego people, superheroes, Barbie dolls) — is particularly powerful for developing empathy.

Through role-play, children practice being different kinds of people. They take on feelings, explore situations, and make sense of the world.

We can support them by joining their play — helping them figure out how they feel, or how others might feel, by taking on characters and following their lead.

Every Child Plays Differently

My two girls played in completely different ways.

One loved dressing up and becoming a character — fully acting out roles.The other preferred “small world” play — setting up tiny scenes and controlling every detail.

In both cases, my role was simple: do as I was told and say the words they wanted to hear.

Only after we had fully connected in their world could I gently bring in my own ideas — and even then, only once they felt seen and in control of the story.

Making Space for Play

In my Ultimate Parenting Success Course, we explore play deeply — what it means to you, your personal relationship with it, and how to create more space for it.

That space might be physical (clearing time in your schedule), or it might be emotional — learning to feel comfortable enough in your own body to play freely again.

If you’d like to reconnect with your child-like self and rediscover the joy of play, join our growing community of conscious parents.

Together, we learn how to drop back into the beautiful, creative, connective space of play.

With love,Tracy